Sunday, May 6, 2012;
Pondering about life.
Wondering why it has to be so complicated.
Do we really need to be so practical,
always thinking if everything we do is worth the time and money?
Cant we just do something beccause we want to do without any worries?
Why cant life be simple?
Why cant humans be contented?
What's the point of fighting so hard?
Is it worth it?
Is this what we really want?
到最后，一切都只会是一场空。
像泡泡一样，消失。
♥ The Face Of Love
12:40 AM
12:40 AM
Saturday, April 28, 2012;
; She laughed at her foolishness when she saw those tears.
A leopard never change its spots.
Assuming that u know everything when u dun is something u cant change.
Snapping at others without getting things right is another thing u cant change.
Yes, u are smart, but u never tried to understand the real me.
Yes, u are smart, but u never understood the importance of this point.
Today, u snapped, assuming u knew what i was thinking.
But unfortunately, u were so wrong.
U never understood what i was thinking,
U never understood what my habits were,
Never trying even when i have told u countless times.
Today, i was really tired.
I didnt try to fight, didnt want to bother.
I guess, i am just tired of everything.
Tired of u not accepting the real me,
Tired of u not understanding the real me.
Tired of having to hide behind a mask.
It's really over, my dear.
It wont end now, but it wont be together forever.
I really give up.
Yes, i do love u.
But this isnt what i want.
It's too suffocating.
Sorry my dear,
I love u, but i cant love u anymore.
Not anymore..
♥ The Face Of Love
12:12 AM
12:12 AM
Thursday, April 19, 2012;
我已经决定离开了。
九十九天的期限快到了。
我不会再心痛。
我不会再哭了。
放手，对大家都好。。
♥ The Face Of Love
2:04 PM
2:04 PM
Friday, February 17, 2012;
When fear becomes love..
When love becomes fear..
Trying hard not to blow up because it's gonna be his bday in 2 days time.
But somehow, he often do things to piss me off and to disappoint me.
Sometimes i really wonder my significnace to him.
If u say u feel insignificant to me, then what am i?
Strangers get ur care and concern, but what about me?
I get nothing except arguements and accusation.
So much for trying so hard, even to the extent of blaming myself, thinking that i shouldnt be that petty, should have just gave in, should have just bear with whatever shit that comes.
I feel like an idiot.
U say u are sick, u want to rest.
U unwillingly met up with me, giving me the black face because u were sick and tired.
U made me feel as though i was a selfish person
But then, u amazing had the energy to go for mps!
That stupid thing that u told me u wont be going when i asked u not too!
The feeling of betrayal. My trust in u.
Gone, all gone!
Disappointed! Utterly disappointed!
So tell me about signifance! FUCK YOU!
U say, a relationship is not about giving in or giving up, but it's about accepting each other.
But come on, what the fuck can u accept when u argue?
Someone has to fucking give in, and both of u have to try to compromise isnt it?
U give in and compromise precisely because u are able to accept each other..
I suddenly realize that u really dun understand how a relationship works because u dun listen at all.
Yes, i admit, u are a nice guy.
U can be very sweet.
But ur temper sucks, and its sucks big time.
U are too egoistic, u dun listen to others.
U are always right and never in the wrong.
To u, it's a good thing when ur gf fears u.
To u, it's a fucking sense of achievement.
Seriously, I am sick and tired of all these.
Sick of fearing u, sick of arguing with u, sick of being so insignificant.
Never once was i treated like that, so who are u to treat me like this?!
Seriously, I really want to leave..
I just need more time to walk out of this.
One day, i will be able to, and i will.
I will be able to find myself, find the courage and end this once and for all.
I have said this once, but i will say this again.
It's scary how a woman's instinct owards such things can be so accurate..
♥ The Face Of Love
12:40 AM
12:40 AM
Thursday, February 16, 2012;
突然不知道要从哪里开始。
今天的感觉有点不对，感觉上像是疏远了。不敢牵你的手，但却又不敢不抓着你。这种矛盾，让我不知所措。可能是因为我们之间发生太多的争吵吧，长久下来，我变得胆小了。天天心惊胆战，不知道我们几时又会吵架。和你在一起，我变得小心翼翼，可以说，我开始害怕了。
从爱变成害怕，有点可笑对不对？或许是因为爱，才会害怕 - 害怕失去、害怕心痛、甚至怕你。怕你生气，怕你不开心，怕你发脾气，怕你扔下我，怕你对我大吼，怕你会突然又要离开。你知道吗？我从相信我们能一直走到永远，慢慢变成只要平静度过这个月就好，到知道平静度过这个星期就好，到现在的只要平静度过今天或这顿饭就好。感觉上，这段感情变得有点不正常了。 我似乎变成了你的犯人，被你压得有点喘不过气来。
我知道我不应该这样。可是，我却没有办法离开。说我傻，我承认。就连我都开始看不起现在的自己。我想潇洒地离开，可是懦弱的我却办不到。我 舍不得，我放不下。总是想着你对我的好，选择忘了你对我的伤害。我真是他妈的白痴！心里的挣扎，又有谁知道？憎恨现在的自己，却又不知道如何摆脱现在的自己。答案明明在前面，可是却办不到，真是哭笑不得。我快要精神崩裂了！我快崩溃了！谁能来救救我呢？我知道哭久了，就会累了，累了就不想了，不想了，就不爱了，心死了，就不痛了。失望多了，就不会再期望或期待什么了。你知道吗？我竟然盼望那一天的到来，那一天的到来意味着我的解脱！
可能现在这种情况对我们都好吧！不每天见面，磨擦和争吵都会减少。可能需要时间适应，可是习惯了，就可以了。依赖减少了，就会开始变得更自立，更坚强，更勇敢了。到时，找回自己以后，什么都不怕了。这不是我一直都想要的吗？对，这是我想要的。所以从今天开始，我下定决心要找回自己的规律、自己的生活。我要找回自己，做回自己，为自己而活。我要证明我是可以独当一面的！
给大家多一点时间和空间吧！我相信时间是最好的证明。我也相信缘分，而缘分是不能强求的。是你的，就是你的，不是你的，就永远不会是你的。
♥ The Face Of Love
12:30 AM
12:30 AM
Friday, February 10, 2012;
Whenever we move forward a little, we will end up walking backwards again.
But yet, we were never be able to return to where we were.
The same drama happening over and over again.
So much that i am sick and tired of them,
Yet, i was never able to let go.
I wish i am able to forget all about you.
I wish i am able to move on
I need a break from all this.
♥ The Face Of Love
3:45 PM
3:45 PM
Monday, January 9, 2012;
the right one is worth the wait.
will u be the right one?
suddenly realized that all u ever think of is yourself.
u are disappointed, u are hurt, u are angry, u are never in the wrong.
so i have to be the one to admit that i was in the wrong even if i was hurt too.
but was i really the one?
call me petty, but is this the way to treat ur girl?
who was the one that let me wait, who was the one that decided not to turn up?
who was the one who decide to put that fucking committee above me?
u slept at 7 in the morning because u were doing yec's stuff.
yet, u were able to wake up on time for yec's event.
but when it comes to me, u overslept.
i waited 40 mins and u thought it was nothing.
i waited the whole morning and u thought it was nothing.
i dun fuck care if u had a headache because u had overslept.
seriously, treating me like dirt all the while?
fuck it. i had enough of the nonsense.
they say both have to give in for the relationship,
but somehow, i dun feel that way.
just because i want to maintain this relationship,
doesnt mean i have to put up with all the shit,
doesnt mean i have to be the only one changing,
losing myself, pride and dignity in the end.
somehow, what yuqi said is true.
if a guy is not willing to change for u when u are dating, he will never change for u.
are u willing to change for me? the answer was no.
will i be able to put up with ur temper and nonsense for the rest of my life?
the answer is no. i will never be able to do so.
so what if there's love? will we be able to live happily ever after?
i seriously doubt so.
yes, u are disappointed, but i am too.
but this time round, i wont be the one giving in again.
i am tired.
so this time round, i will give u the chance to prove how much i mean to u.
it's going to be the biggest gamble.
will i regret? maybe not.
will i be sad & disapointed? maybe yes.
but at the end of the day,
i will be able to find out if u are the right one.
i will be able to find out if i really mean anything to u.
if the answer is no for both, then it will be time to let go.
and i guess, i am ready for it.
i still remember saying that a woman's instinct in dangerously sensitive..
this time, i dun feel anything yet.
but i hope if i do, it will be for the good.
♥ The Face Of Love
11:28 PM
11:28 PM
Monday, December 19, 2011;
Turbulent week.
Humans are contradicting.
When you are busy, you want a break.
When you are having that break, you miss those busy moments.
Idiots.
And yes, i admit, i am one of them.
But now, i have sorted things out.
I guess..
Tight schedule ahead. And it's really frustrating.
Like hello, i am only free from Jan onwards, and it isn't guaranteed.
Cant help but think why i got myself into this.
Stupid me.
Why bother to work like a cow when i am just a student?
I will be slogging my guts out once i graduate, so why slog my guts out now?
Shouldnt i be enjoying the last few years as a student?
Stupid me.
Then humans have this problem about getting emotionally attached.
Esp when people are very nice to u.
So i keep harping that i want to resign, because i forsee another busy quarter ahead
but i have yet to do so because i cant bear to.
Arent i nice? Always worried and considering for other people.
Though it's at the expense of myself
Stupid me.
Another stupid thing i did was to take up hertage trail.
Now i am stuck with it, not knowing how to move on.
I dun want to be too reliant on jeraldin & alan,but i have no other support.
And it's tiring to run things without support, esp when u are a greenhorn.
It's not as though i didnt ask for help,but no one bothers to come forward.
Frustating but what can i do except to say,
Stupid me.
Yearning for a break.
I wanna enjoy life like a tai-tai.
I wanna go high-tea.
I wanna spend some time without worries.
I wanna go on leave.
I want time for myself.
I miss the 3 days at sentosa.
I want another getaway before school starts.
;Suddenly, i miss the times when i would end school,
and train down to pasir ris to meet alan for dinner.
简单的幸福 =)
♥ The Face Of Love
12:43 PM
12:43 PM
Saturday, December 10, 2011;
Somehow we cant even get through a peaceful month, cant we?
I guess my expectations were too high afterall.
I am a fool.
♥ The Face Of Love
12:12 AM
12:12 AM
Monday, November 28, 2011;
Into the second week of exams.
Ht9102 tmr and HC260 on thu.
2 more papers to go and it's FREEDOM.
Yes, i know i shouldn't be here,
but i just cant concentrate already.
Guess it's the stress that makes me feel like escaping.
I am kind of in that holiday mood already.
Life havent been a bed of roses recently.
In fact, it has been a bitch.
Everything is everywhere and I cant seem to put everything in order.
Sucks to not have breathing space for myself.
Broke down a few times but i guess i have recovered a little.
Made some decisions and yes, they were hard.
More or less decided to quit my job and take on tuition instead.
Timing would be more flexible and i would have more time to do more stuff.
But still still keeping my fingers crossed.
Tuition has its problems too. Seriously.
But i guess, it's no choice.
U always have to sacrifice something for something.
Glad that i have him around me to support me.
I guess things are pretty fine between us now,
and that's comforting to know.
Hope we will maintain it for awhile. =)
Well, i guess i should go back to reality already.
Wsh me luck because i really need it.
♥ The Face Of Love
4:46 PM
4:46 PM
Saturday, November 12, 2011;
插曲 #311
11.11.11
《那些年，我们一起追的女孩》
拉着你去看，想要的只是能找回暧昧时的感觉。
想起那时我们的单纯、幼稚，
想起那段时间的甜蜜、快乐。
刚在一起的我们，要得不多，
可是，得到的却不少。
起码，我们能感受到彼此的重要，能感受到彼此对这份感情的认真与付出。
因为害怕失去彼此，所以一直紧紧抓着不放，努力呵护与维持那刚刚萌芽的感情。
但，人往往都是贪心的。
因为得到了很多，所以要求得更多，架也越吵越多。
不知道为了什么而吵，也不知道有没有解决，
只知道吵了，哭了，和好了，吵了，哭了，和好了。。
感觉就想新传媒的戏，一直重播，一直重播。。
当初的感觉慢慢淡掉了，当初的热情与单纯好像也不在了。
对于彼此之间的认真与付出，我想，也慢慢消失了吧。。
我不知道我们还能在一起的原因是什么，
但感觉上好像不是爱，也不是喜欢，而是一种责任，还是为了那肉体上的安慰？
我不懂，也无法了解，因为你一直选择逃避。
你说，吵完了，就算了，忘了它，别去提了。
你说，心死了，就让它死吧。
你说，抱不住，就别抱吧。
我想，你应该也想说，分手就分手吧。
冷冷的，没有哄，没有想要挽回的意思。
冷冷地刺痛了我的心。
我不知道你是不是累了，不想爱了，不想一起走下去了，
还是，你只是因为害怕失去而选择逃避。
我只知道，你的手没有了当初的温暖，你的拥抱没有了当初的感情。
我好想知道，
♥ The Face Of Love
12:44 AM
12:44 AM
Monday, November 7, 2011;
三个字：“你很烦” 三个字：“心碎了” 泪了。累了。
♥ The Face Of Love
11:29 PM
11:29 PM
Tuesday, September 27, 2011;
Havent been updating for awhile.
Life sucks but still goes on.
I am finally Year 2.
Workload have increased,
and yes,i am struggling as usual.
It's recess week now, and i had planned to use this week to do some catching up.
But somehow, i cant get myself in the mood.
Maybe, i just need to give myself a break.
Aikido grading was sunday.
Number wasnt called, and i am praying hard i got through.
Dun like to feel disappointed, esp when aikido is my life.
Things between me and him have been going on fine.
Yes, we do have our ups and downs,
but which relationship doesnt have them?
What's important is that we grow stronger day by day right?
Life sucks but still goes on.
I am finally Year 2.
Workload have increased,
and yes,i am struggling as usual.
It's recess week now, and i had planned to use this week to do some catching up.
But somehow, i cant get myself in the mood.
Maybe, i just need to give myself a break.
Aikido grading was sunday.
Number wasnt called, and i am praying hard i got through.
Dun like to feel disappointed, esp when aikido is my life.
Things between me and him have been going on fine.
Yes, we do have our ups and downs,
but which relationship doesnt have them?
What's important is that we grow stronger day by day right?
♥ The Face Of Love
4:40 PM
4:40 PM
Saturday, July 30, 2011;
Tuesday was the day my age started with a 2.
Yes, i am officially 20.
And i was warmly welcomed into the elderly club.
Dun even know whether i should be happy or sad.
LOL!
Tuesday was spent with alan and jeraldin.
The both of them were the best "treasure" that i found from PLK YEC,
and not forgetting xianyang of course.
Haha! =)
And i got my Samantha Thavasa Wallet!
Credits to Alan!
=))
I am really happy that he spent the day with me.
Unexpected but still happy nonetheless.
He's not someone i would expect much from,
but somehow,
his little actions are always little surprises to me.
=)
Things are going at a comfortable pace,
and i really hope things will go on this way.
=))
Yesterday was my last day at Dimensions.
I wouldnt say i left the place with a heavy heart,
or with my eyes brimming with tears.
But the times spent there were really fun.
Thank you Eunice, Joanne XiJun and Joes for making it possible.
And Jiao Zi Mian!
But i need to start losing weight already.
HAHA!
Feeling very uncomfortable today cause i didnt get to train yesterday.
Feeling a bit down now.
I wanna TRAIN!!!
♥ The Face Of Love
9:08 AM
9:08 AM
Sunday, July 24, 2011;
It has been an eventful week.Fulfilling i would say.
BGM was yesterday,And Yes! We Prevailled!In fact, it was a fight we won hands down.Damn proud of it can?Cant help but feel that i have made the right decision.
The start of a new term will be a busy one.But i guess we are all prepared for it.
; sometimes i really wonder what we really are.just like how u asked me what it means yesterday. i didnt give an answer, just like how u didnt suggest an answer.though i have to admit that part of me feels disappointed,but i still feel that sometimes, somethings shouldnt be made clear. i like u, but i cant tell for sure what it is.so let's just keep things this way ok?
♥ The Face Of Love
11:38 PM
11:38 PM